


eat a bag of dicks, jer

by junietuesday25



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, i'm sorry this is stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-03-13 08:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18937393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junietuesday25/pseuds/junietuesday25
Summary: Michael finds something interesting. Jeremy gets a strange package in the mail.





	eat a bag of dicks, jer

**Author's Note:**

> i was on tumblr (hi check me out here: [junietuesday](https://junietuesday.tumblr.com/)) and i saw this certain thing and thought, "michael totally sent one of these to jeremy when he was being optic nerve blocked" and well, this happened
> 
> look i don't usually write crack i swear, my expertise is in heartwrenching angst actually so ~~i love how literally my second fic in this fandom is _crack_ , i'm really making a good impression aren't i~~
> 
> oh! one last thing! you need workskin on otherwise i have no clue what this'd look like, probably terrible

It’s already late noon when Michael’s finally able to gather the energy to untangle himself from the blankets he buried himself in and sit up, leaning his head on the wall beside him.

Halloween was last night.

He doesn’t remember much of it. Maybe he, like, subconsciously blocked it out or something. He has only vague flashes: _stop i cant_ , _please come back i need you_ , _nononono breathe breathe_ , _youre okay youre fine_ , _no theyre back theyre knocking go away please please go away_ , _die just die already no one loves you_ , _loser_ , _loserloserloser_ —

Michael swallows hard, and shoves his fingers under his glasses to push on his eyes.

He can’t dwell on this any longer. He has to do something else or he might explode.

So Michael reaches over to his phone and opens the first app he lands on. Tumblr. I mean, it works. He lies back down ~~making sure he’s not on top of the spot on his pillowcase wet with tears~~ and begins to scroll.

He’s only a few posts down his dashboard when he finds it.

did-you-know If someone you know is being a wanker, dicksbymail.com lets you get revenge by sending them a literal bag of edible dicks. For $15, they will send a 5oz bag of gummy wieners with a note that says ‘EAT A BAG OF DICKS’ to anyone in your life who deserves ‘that feeling of sadness, disappointment, and betrayal.’  ([Source](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fdicksbymail.com&t=N2I0ZjY4ZjFjNDYyMjg2ZWJiOWFkNTlmMmNmZmEyODYzYmVjYzQ0MSxaNTdEVVRtUQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AQXhseuGYB5rzbtqSwuNleg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fjunietuesday.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F184635063282%2Fdid-you-know-if-someone-you-know-is-being-a&m=1))  #FOOD#SOCIETY#LAWS#HUMOR #pranks#jokes#didyouknow 2,553 notes 

For the first time since hearing the word “loser” come out of Jeremy’s mouth, Michael smiles.

* * *

When Jeremy gets home from school that day, there’s a package sitting on the doorstep. It’s a simple envelope, the orangeish wrinkly paper kind that are impossible to open without scissors, and at first Jeremy thinks it’s for his dad or something. But then he sees his name on it.

I do not recommend —

Jeremy brings the package inside, then grabs a knife from a drawer to slit the envelope open. He turns it over onto the table, and two things fall out.

First, a message on a sheet of paper.

  
EAT A BAG  
OF DICKS  


Then there’s a little plastic bag containing—you guessed it—gummy dicks. Literally, gummy candies in the shape of dicks.

Oh, and there’s a pack of glitter. Also shaped like penises. 

Jeremy isn’t quite sure how to react. He kind of wants to laugh, but at the same time be offended?

Throw them out.

_Really?_  thinks Jeremy. _What a waste of good ca—_

I said, _throw them out._

A jolt goes up Jeremy’s spine, and he hurries to obey.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr post workskin is by [phyripo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11474979)


End file.
